Chapter 4 of 44

Machines and Their Schedules

Every appliance in a house is running a program, and you were not consulted about any of them. The dishwasher has decided. You are only reporting it.

22 verses

1. 1 The dishwasher has flooded and it's gone under the cabinets Unverifiable
2. 2 My washer has stopped mid-cycle and locked with everything inside Unverifiable
3. 3 The dryer smells like it's doing something it shouldn't Unverifiable
4. 4 My microwave has started running when the door is open Not reassuring
5. 5 The stove has one burner that comes on with a different one Not reassuring
6. 6 My freezer alarm is going and the freezer seems fine Not reassuring
7. 7 There's a machine in this house making a noise I can't attribute Not reassuring
8. 8 The water heater has started up on its own three times Not reassuring
9. 9 My thermostat is showing a temperature that isn't the temperature Concerning
10. 10 The heating has come on in every room but one Concerning
11. 11 My vacuum has stopped picking up and I've cleaned everything cleanable Unverifiable
12. 12 The blender lid was not on Unverifiable
13. 13 My coffee machine has gone into a mode I can't get it out of Concerning
14. 14 The garbage disposal has something in it that isn't food Concerning
15. 15 My oven has locked itself in a cleaning cycle for three hours Concerning
16. 16 The extractor fan has started on its own twice this morning Not reassuring
17. 17 My television turned itself on at four in the morning Not reassuring
18. 18 The doorbell camera has a recording of nothing at three Please take the day
19. 19 My robot vacuum has been in one room since yesterday Please take the day
20. 20 The lights in the hall have started dimming in a sequence Please take the day
21. 21 My smart speaker answered a question nobody asked Please take the day
22. 22 Something in the utility room clicks once an hour and I can't find it Not reassuring