Chapter 5 of 44

The Ceiling

Something enormous and unexplained, offered flatly as a reason for missing a stand-up. The mismatch is the joke, and the speaker must never notice it.

38 verses

1. 1 I've just realized who somebody here reminds me of Please take the day
2. 2 Somebody laughed at something I said and I need to leave on that Please take the day
3. 3 I've been introduced to the same person twice and neither of us mentioned it Please take the day
4. 4 There is a photograph on the wall that I'm in Please take the day
5. 5 I've been having a very good time and I'd like to stop before that changes Please take the day
6. 6 My coat is not where I left it and it is on somebody Please take the day
7. 7 Everybody has started talking more quietly and I don't know why Please take the day
8. 8 I've agreed to host something and I need to go and think about that Please take the day
9. 9 I looked at the clock and it was the same time as before Please take the day
10. 10 Somebody asked how I was and I gave the true answer Please take the day
11. 11 I've caught my own reflection twice tonight and I disagreed both times Please take the day
12. 12 The music has been the same song for a while now Please take the day
13. 13 My street has been very quiet since about six Please take the day
14. 14 There's a car outside that has been outside for two days Please take the day
15. 15 I've had the same dream three nights running and last night it moved on Please take the day
16. 16 Somebody has cut my hedge and I don't know who to thank Please take the day
17. 17 The birds started at the wrong time this morning Please take the day
18. 18 My smoke alarm went off once and only once Please take the day
19. 19 I found a receipt for something I don't own Please take the day
20. 20 There's a light on in a building that's been empty for years Please take the day
21. 21 My front door was unlocked and I lock it every night Please take the day
22. 22 I heard somebody say my name outside and there was nobody Please take the day
23. 23 The clock in the kitchen is running slightly fast and it's a wind-up clock Please take the day
24. 24 Something has been moved in the bathroom by about an inch Please take the day
25. 25 My keys were on the wrong hook this morning Please take the day
26. 26 The neighbors have stopped saying good morning and I don't know when that started Please take the day
27. 27 I've been getting somebody else's mail and now they're getting mine Please take the day
28. 28 There's a path worn across my lawn and nobody walks there Please take the day
29. 29 My phone rang once at four and there's no record of it Please take the day
30. 30 I've counted the houses on my road and got a different number than the mailman does Please take the day
31. 31 I've made a decision this morning and I need to sit with it Please take the day
32. 32 I've started noticing how often I say the same sentence Please take the day
33. 33 I wrote something down last night and I can't read my own writing Please take the day
34. 34 The thing I was dreading happened and it was completely fine Please take the day
35. 35 I have been in a good mood since Tuesday and I'd like to protect it Not reassuring
36. 36 I've done the thing I said I'd never do and I need the day Please take the day
37. 37 Somebody paid me a compliment and it's put me right off Please take the day
38. 38 I've been asked to lead something and I said yes with my mouth Please take the day