Chapter 18 of 44

The Journey In

The oldest excuse in working life, and still the best, because the person hearing it made the same journey and knows exactly how it can go.

72 verses

1. 1 I'm behind an accident and nothing's moving Plausible
2. 2 The road is closed and the detour is not a real detour Unverifiable
3. 3 There's a detour and it's begun to repeat Not reassuring
4. 4 A ladder is across all four lanes and nobody has stopped Concerning
5. 5 Police have closed the road and won't say for how long Unverifiable
6. 6 There's a car in the ditch and I stopped to help Unverifiable
7. 7 Somebody has broken down in the only lane that mattered Plausible
8. 8 The lights at the junction have failed and it's every man for himself Plausible
9. 9 There's a burst main and the water is going somewhere Unverifiable
10. 10 Roadworks went up overnight with no warning at all Unverifiable
11. 11 The bridge is closed and the other bridge is forty minutes Plausible
12. 12 I've been sitting in the same place long enough to finish a podcast Unverifiable
13. 13 My train has stopped between stations and nobody has said why Unverifiable
14. 14 The train is here but the doors haven't opened Concerning
15. 15 They've cancelled it and the next one is in fifty minutes Plausible
16. 16 There's a person on the line and everything has stopped Plausible
17. 17 The platform has changed twice and I'm now on neither Plausible
18. 18 My train was replaced by a bus and the bus hasn't come Plausible
19. 19 The bus driver and I disagree about where this bus is going Concerning
20. 20 I got on going the right way on the wrong line Unverifiable
21. 21 The barrier won't take my card and the man has gone Plausible
22. 22 I've been stuck behind a learner driver since the turning Plausible
23. 23 A tractor has been in front of me for eleven minutes Plausible
24. 24 Somebody is teaching somebody to reverse in the only exit Unverifiable
25. 25 The parking lot is full and the overflow is also full Plausible
26. 26 I've circled the block four times and there's genuinely nothing Plausible
27. 27 My taxi accepted the job and then drove away from me Plausible
28. 28 The app says two minutes and has said two minutes for nine minutes Unverifiable
29. 29 I'm at the wrong entrance and the right one is round the back Plausible
30. 30 There's a marathon and the whole area is closed Plausible
31. 31 A parade has started and I'm inside it Concerning
32. 32 The ferry didn't run and nobody put that anywhere Unverifiable
33. 33 The sat nav has taken me somewhere it shouldn't have Not reassuring
34. 34 I've followed the diversion and it's brought me to a field Not reassuring
35. 35 Every road I take today has something on it Not reassuring
36. 36 The gas light came on further from a station than I thought possible Unverifiable
37. 37 I've put the wrong fuel in and I've been told not to start it Unverifiable
38. 38 I've locked the keys in the car with the engine running Unverifiable
39. 39 The car won't start and it started yesterday Plausible
40. 40 There's weather where I am Unverifiable
41. 41 The road out of the village is under water Plausible
42. 42 It's ice and I've watched two cars go past sideways Plausible
43. 43 The wind has taken a tree down across the lane Plausible
44. 44 It's fog and I can see about a car length Plausible
45. 45 There's a flood warning and I'm inside the warning Unverifiable
46. 46 Snow came in overnight and nothing has been salted Plausible
47. 47 A power line has come down and the road's taped off Unverifiable
48. 48 The hail has done something to the car and I need to look at it Unverifiable
49. 49 The sun is exactly where the road is and I've pulled over Concerning
50. 50 The train ahead of mine has broken down and we're behind it Plausible
51. 51 There's no driver for this train and they're finding one Unverifiable
52. 52 The line is suspended in one direction and mine is the direction Plausible
53. 53 I've been on a platform for twenty minutes watching the time go up Unverifiable
54. 54 My usual train has been cut from the schedule without notice Unverifiable
55. 55 The station entrance is closed and the other entrance is a walk Plausible
56. 56 I've missed it by the length of a ticket barrier Plausible
57. 57 The escalators are out and there's a crowd at the bottom Plausible
58. 58 There's a bag on a platform and everything has stopped Unverifiable
59. 59 My bus has been showing as due for eleven minutes Unverifiable
60. 60 The bus went past without stopping and it wasn't full Unverifiable
61. 61 I'm on a bus that has been diverted and the diversion is long Unverifiable
62. 62 There are roadworks that were not there on Friday Plausible
63. 63 The lights have failed at the busiest junction on the route Plausible
64. 64 Somebody has broken down in a tunnel and we're all in the tunnel Unverifiable
65. 65 The barrier at the parking garage won't lift and I'm inside it Unverifiable
66. 66 My travel card has stopped working and the machine won't take my card either Plausible
67. 67 I've got on a train that isn't stopping where it says it stops Concerning
68. 68 The announcement said something and nobody could hear what Concerning
69. 69 I've been standing in the same spot on a platform for so long people have started talking to me Concerning
70. 70 Everybody on this platform just looked at their phone at the same time Not reassuring
71. 71 The train has stopped and the lights have gone off but it's still moving Please take the day
72. 72 I've been on this bus longer than the whole route takes Please take the day