Chapter 1 of 44

The Treachery of Objects

The most usable register there is: a specific object, a specific failure, and no way for anyone to check. Nobody has ever driven to someone's house to confirm the state of a doorknob.

111 verses

1. 1 My doorknob fell off Plausible
2. 2 The garage door opener won't open Plausible
3. 3 My key turns but nothing happens Unverifiable
4. 4 My key works on the neighbor's door but not mine Concerning
5. 5 The lock has started requiring a technique Unverifiable
6. 6 My front door will only open inward now Concerning
7. 7 The deadbolt has engaged on its own Concerning
8. 8 I'm locked out and waiting on a locksmith Plausible
9. 9 My keys are in the apartment and so am I not Plausible
10. 10 I dropped my keys somewhere between the door and the car Plausible
11. 11 The car key has stopped being recognized by the car Plausible
12. 12 My car alarm is going off and I can't make it stop Unverifiable
13. 13 The trunk of my car won't close Plausible
14. 14 One of my tires has gone soft overnight Plausible
15. 15 My windshield has iced on the inside Concerning
16. 16 The gas cap won't open Unverifiable
17. 17 My side mirror is on the sidewalk Unverifiable
18. 18 My phone charged all night to nine percent Plausible
19. 19 My alarm went off and then unset itself Unverifiable
20. 20 My phone updated overnight and rearranged my morning Plausible
21. 21 The screen works but the top inch doesn't Unverifiable
22. 22 My watch has been running slow all week and I only just checked Unverifiable
23. 23 Every clock in the apartment disagrees with every other clock Concerning
24. 24 My glasses are in the apartment and I'm not Unverifiable
25. 25 I have one contact lens in and can't find the other Unverifiable
26. 26 The zip on my only coat has committed to being closed Unverifiable
27. 27 My belt broke and I've been standing very still Unverifiable
28. 28 One of my shoes is gone. Just the one Unverifiable
29. 29 I'm wearing two different shoes and only noticed at the bus stop Plausible
30. 30 My pants are in the dryer and the dryer has stopped Plausible
31. 31 A round brush is stuck in my hair Unverifiable
32. 32 My shoelace snapped and I have no other laces Plausible
33. 33 The button came off the only shirt that fits Plausible
34. 34 My bag split in the parking lot and everything is on the ground Unverifiable
35. 35 My umbrella has inverted and won't go back Unverifiable
36. 36 My bike has a flat and the pump is also empty Unverifiable
37. 37 The chain came off and my hands are now unacceptable Unverifiable
38. 38 My travel card has stopped working at the barrier Plausible
39. 39 The parking machine has taken my money and given me nothing Unverifiable
40. 40 I've paid for parking in the wrong parking lot Unverifiable
41. 41 My car is where I left it but facing the other way Not reassuring
42. 42 I've been outbid on my own parking space Not reassuring
43. 43 The gas station has a line that hasn't moved Plausible
44. 44 My headphones died and I can't do the journey in silence Concerning
45. 45 The bus pass is in the coat and the coat is at the dry cleaner Plausible
46. 46 A pipe let go under the sink and I'm waiting on a plumber Plausible
47. 47 The washing machine has emptied itself across the kitchen Plausible
48. 48 My boiler is making a noise it hasn't made before Concerning
49. 49 The radiator has started leaking and I'm holding a bowl Unverifiable
50. 50 My fridge has stopped and everything in it has plans Plausible
51. 51 The freezer door has been open since some point last night Plausible
52. 52 My oven won't turn off Concerning
53. 53 The smoke alarm is beeping in a rhythm and I have started answering it Unverifiable
54. 54 My hot water is coming out of the cold faucet Unverifiable
55. 55 The toilet is running and I can't find where the water is going Unverifiable
56. 56 My shower has two temperatures and neither is one I asked for Unverifiable
57. 57 The kitchen light has started flickering in a pattern Concerning
58. 58 Every socket on the left wall has stopped Concerning
59. 59 My television turned itself on at four this morning Not reassuring
60. 60 The wifi router has a light I have never seen before Concerning
61. 61 My front window has a crack that grew overnight Concerning
62. 62 There's a shape on my ceiling that wasn't there Friday Concerning
63. 63 My bathroom door has locked itself from the inside Concerning
64. 64 The chair I sit in broke in a way that has made me reconsider things Concerning
65. 65 My bed frame has developed a sound and I need to isolate it Not reassuring
66. 66 The mailbox has been taped shut from the outside Not reassuring
67. 67 My blinds have come down and the street can see everything Concerning
68. 68 The floor in the hallway has started to give slightly Not reassuring
69. 69 A cabinet door came off in my hand and took some wall with it Concerning
70. 70 My mirror has come off the wall and is leaning against everything Not reassuring
71. 71 My laptop will charge or connect but not both Unverifiable
72. 72 The keyboard is typing one letter behind me Concerning
73. 73 My screen has developed a line down the middle Unverifiable
74. 74 The file opens but the contents belong to somebody else Not reassuring
75. 75 Every time I save, the file gets slightly smaller Not reassuring
76. 76 The document has more pages than it did when I started Not reassuring
77. 77 There's a comment in the doc from somebody who doesn't work here Please take the day
78. 78 My mouse is moving on its own in small amounts Not reassuring
79. 79 The printer has produced a page I didn't send it Not reassuring
80. 80 My headset works for everyone except this call Concerning
81. 81 The spreadsheet is returning results I can't reproduce Not reassuring
82. 82 My camera works but the light on it stays on afterwards Not reassuring
83. 83 The version I need is in a folder I can see but can't open Concerning
84. 84 My inbox has started marking things read before I read them Not reassuring
85. 85 I've dropped my phone and the screen has gone Plausible
86. 86 My bag has split and everything is on the sidewalk Unverifiable
87. 87 I've spilled a full drink across the desk and everything on it Unverifiable
88. 88 My watch strap has broken and it's the only way I tell the time Unverifiable
89. 89 The handle came off in my hand Unverifiable
90. 90 I've snapped my key in the door Unverifiable
91. 91 My glasses have snapped at the bridge and tape isn't holding Unverifiable
92. 92 The lid was not screwed on and I've turned the whole bag over Unverifiable
93. 93 I've locked myself out of the bathroom with the light off Concerning
94. 94 The blind has come down entirely and there's no putting it back Unverifiable
95. 95 My chair has given way and I've gone with it Unverifiable
96. 96 A shelf has come off the wall and taken everything on it Unverifiable
97. 97 The drawer has jammed with the thing I need inside it Unverifiable
98. 98 My hairdryer has stopped and my hair is not going to dry on its own Unverifiable
99. 99 The iron has left something on the shirt Unverifiable
100. 100 My belt broke and I've been standing very still since Unverifiable
101. 101 The umbrella has inverted and won't go back Unverifiable
102. 102 My headphones have died and I can't do this journey in silence Concerning
103. 103 The charger has stopped working overnight and everything is at nothing Unverifiable
104. 104 My laptop bag was open when I picked it up Concerning
105. 105 The lock on my bike has seized with the bike in it Unverifiable
106. 106 My tire has gone soft and the pump is at home Unverifiable
107. 107 I've lost a contact lens somewhere on the floor of the car Concerning
108. 108 The window in the car has gone down and won't come up Unverifiable
109. 109 My wallet is somewhere between here and the house Plausible
110. 110 I've put something down and it hasn't been where I put it since Concerning
111. 111 The zipper on the bag has gone and the bag has things in it Unverifiable