The Excuse Bible

2,063 verses

Band 5 of 5

Please Take the Day

The ceiling. Something enormous and unaccounted for, given as a reason to miss a stand-up. Nobody argues with these. They just tell you to go back to bed.

214 verses across 25 chapters

A reading

  1. 1 Somebody waved at me from a window in an empty house
  2. 2 Somebody said my name in a corridor and I've been thinking about it since
  3. 3 My reflection blinked after I did
  4. 4 There's a chair in my kitchen that I didn't put there
  5. 5 There's a smell of something cooking and nothing is cooking
  6. 6 The mileage is higher than it was when I parked
  7. 7 I've been told the roof does something in this weather and I have to check
  8. 8 I've caught myself doing a thing I used to do and stopped doing
  9. 9 The train has stopped and the lights have gone off but it's still moving
  10. 10 My robot vacuum has been in one room since yesterday
  11. 11 I've had a delivery with a note addressed to the previous tenant and to me
  12. 12 We've always run the water for a minute first and I don't know why
  13. 13 I woke up standing
  14. 14 I've started something and it has started reading back
  15. 15 My mirror was folded in overnight and I don't fold it in
  16. 16 There's a chair nobody sits in and I've never asked
  17. 17 I've said the same sentence twice this morning to two different people
  18. 18 The doorbell camera has a recording of nothing at three

Where the rest of them are

Every excuse here is stamped. ExcuseBot uses the same five bands, and its Weirder button walks you up them one step at a time until you find the edge of what you can say out loud.

Go to ExcuseBot →