The Excuse Bible

2,003 verses

Band 5 of 5

Please Take the Day

The ceiling. Something enormous and unaccounted for, given as a reason to miss a stand-up. Nobody argues with these. They just tell you to go back to bed.

206 verses across 25 chapters

A reading

  1. 1 I've been humming something I've never heard
  2. 2 My plant has turned to face the wrong way
  3. 3 I've got a bruise in a shape I'd like to think about
  4. 4 Something outside has been standing still for an hour
  5. 5 I've come home to furniture in different places
  6. 6 A relative has told me something about myself I didn't know
  7. 7 I've found a shopping list in my pocket in my handwriting for things I don't eat
  8. 8 I've had a knock at the door with nobody there twice this week
  9. 9 The heating came on and the heating has been off at the wall since March
  10. 10 There's a light on in my house and I'm not in my house
  11. 11 My name is written on the inside of a drawer in this rented apartment
  12. 12 Every clock in this house lost the same four minutes
  13. 13 I've been finding sand in a house nowhere near the sea
  14. 14 The number of steps to the mailbox has changed
  15. 15 The mirror in the hall is at a different angle
  16. 16 Somebody has laughed in this building and it's empty
  17. 17 The stairs sounded different this morning
  18. 18 I've been counting something without deciding to

Where the rest of them are

Every excuse here is stamped. ExcuseBot uses the same five bands, and its Weirder button walks you up them one step at a time until you find the edge of what you can say out loud.

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