The Excuse Bible

2,063 verses

Band 3 of 5

Concerning

The listener pauses here. Nothing is impossible yet, but something has gone wrong in a way that invites a second question — which is why every verse comes with the answer to it.

543 verses across 40 chapters

A reading

  1. 1 I've been holding a nerve in my back very carefully since seven
  2. 2 There's a card going round and it's stopped with me
  3. 3 There's a conversation I've been putting off and it's happening this morning
  4. 4 My cat has hidden somewhere in this house and I've checked everywhere
  5. 5 My voice has gone and what's left is worse
  6. 6 I've been asked to sign something about the apartment and I don't understand it
  7. 7 I'm decluttering and I've reached the part where everything is on the floor
  8. 8 The dog has found something in the yard and won't give it up
  9. 9 The house has been very quiet since somebody said something on Sunday
  10. 10 I've been left a note and the note is longer than a note should be
  11. 11 I've been given a list and the list has a deadline of Saturday
  12. 12 The heating has been set to something somebody else likes
  13. 13 Somebody in the family has news and it's being delivered in person
  14. 14 My jaw has locked slightly and I'd rather not speak much today
  15. 15 I've got an appeal deadline and the appeal has to be handwritten
  16. 16 I've filled in the wrong form and the right form needs the wrong one attached
  17. 17 I've got a secret gift exchange and I've drawn somebody I don't know
  18. 18 There's a parade and my street is inside it

Where the rest of them are

Every excuse here is stamped. ExcuseBot uses the same five bands, and its Weirder button walks you up them one step at a time until you find the edge of what you can say out loud.

Go to ExcuseBot →